going at your own pace

Life isn't a race, so you don't have to compete with everyone else. It's time we all start recognizing that.

So here's another story time.

I didn't get my license until I was nineteen years old. I was teased incessantly about this, I was told by some that I was an "embarassment," how it was "so bad" that I hadn't got my licesne when I was sixteen. These were all incredibly wrong comments to make no matter what, but what made it so much worse was my reasoning for not driving.

I self harmed for the first time after practicing driving. Some might think this is dramatic, and maybe it was. But driving gave me so much pent up anxiety I needed a release. I can't even properly describe what it was really like. I wanted to puke and scream and die all at the same time. I was ashamed of myself because I couldn't do this extremely basic thing, and I was ashamed that I couldn't do this one seemingly simple thing.

But when I was sixteen, it wasn't time for me to overcome this surmounting fear. When I was sixteen, I had just been diagnosed with severe depression. When I was sixteen, I was still lying awake at night wondering if tomorrow was the day I decided to end it all. When I was sixteen, I took razors to my skin as a way to purge myself , as if all of my sins were in my blood and I needed to rid myself of it completely. When I was sixteen, I believed every lie I had told myself--when I was sixteen, I would stop eating for days at a time, I wouldn't feel good about myself unless I was hungry, and I didn't know if I was ever going to be alright.

I waited until the time was right for me. And guess what? Waiting to get my license didn't impact my life at all. It wasn't a big deal in the end, and it was worth every time I had to ask for a ride if it means that I have less scars on my arm, if it means that I spent less time wondering how hard I would have to press until I hit a vein.

Life isn't a race, and you aren't competing with everyone else. We are all going at different paces, and that's okay! Whatever it is that makes you feel like you're moving too slow, know that God gave you specific gifts and a specific time line that is different from everyone else.

Life is a story, and stories that follow the same pace, the same timeline would be too predictable. No one wants to read that. Your story is unique, and not comparable to any one else's.

In your story, God and I are cheering you on on the sidelines--not to get you to move faster, but to know that you are doing great. Remember that your health is more important than rites of passage, and don't try to dive into something that will endanger you.

I love you all. Keep taking care of yourselves, dreamers.